


if i was brave

by orphan_account



Series: bucky barnes' walk through hell [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety Disorder, Artist Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a dick, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky is 38, Crime Boss Bucky Barnes, Drug Dealing, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Punk Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve is 23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:01:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24835030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clint Barton had always told Bucky that the secret to being a great lawyer was maintaining composure. Despite this, when M'Baku brings Clint to Bucky's office, Clint is a mess in every sense of the word.or, Clint is taking Brock Rumlow to court, Bucky beefs up security, and Steve goes on a date.+(title from Say Anything)
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: bucky barnes' walk through hell [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793596
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104





	1. i'd climb up to you on the mountain

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends! doing something a little different this time per @juniperwing’s suggestion to group the shorter bits of the story in multi-chapter format instead of creating new parts and keeping the longer/plot-centric bits their own parts. let me know if you prefer the shorter parts or multiple chapters in one. feedback’s always appreciated. <3

Clint Barton had always told Bucky that the secret to being a great lawyer was maintaining composure. Despite this, when M'Baku brings Clint to Bucky's office, Clint is a mess in every sense of the word.

He’s forgone the suit today and instead he’s in black sweatpants and a Columbia sweatshirt. His eyes are absolutely bloodshot and Bucky can tell he didn’t get any sleep last night.

“Barton. Good to see you.” Bucky claps a hand on Clint’s back and gestures towards the cart by the door. “Can I get you a drink?”

Clint stays silent, sitting down at one end of the long conference table that sits in the middle of Bucky’s office. Bucky pours himself a glass of whiskey before he takes his place across from him.

“So, Sam tells me you have some concerns.”

Clint looks down where Bucky’s hands are twisting a ring around his index finger.

“Laura’s pregnant.” He speaks for the first time since coming into the office.

Bucky takes a sip from his glass and nods, offering Clint his congratulations.

“I think someone followed me home from the firm last night. I’m putting Rumlow on trial next week.”

Bucky clenches his jaw together so tightly he can feel strands of hair fall from the low bun is hair is in.

Brock Rumlow and Bucky are no stranger to one another. Rumlow has a poor habit of dealing to teenagers, and as far as Bucky is concerned, that’s a death wish.

“Your family will be safe, Clint.” Bucky rubs his chin with his hand.

“How do you know that?” Clint spits the words like they burn his mouth. When Bucky raises an eyebrow at him, a look of regret washes over his face quickly.

“Mr. Barnes, please understand that I’m forever indebted to you.” Clint begins, and something in Bucky’s chest aches. A man with a family to care for and protect was someone that he could respect. “But… this baby…” Clint loses sight of his words in his brain.

“Clint.” Bucky stops him and the blonde across from him looks terrified. Like he regrets the last 15 minutes and will for the rest of his life. “Listen. I’m.. I’m not going to hurt you. I understand, that baby’s change things. And… and sometimes, you feel like you’ll never be able to give them everything you need.” Bucky didn’t have children, and Becca was almost seventeen years old whenever she came into his care, but that didn’t take anything away from what he said. He still worried himself over Becca and she lived states away back in Indiana. His father had stumbled into a dangerous profession on accident, and had stayed for his family.

“You’re a good man. I ask that you trust me to keep your family safe.” Bucky finishes.

Clint manages a brief nod, and a “thank you, Mr. Barnes.” He reaches into the pocket of his pants to bull out a banded roll of hundred dollar bills before offering them to Bucky.

Bucky holds is hand up to Clint. This isn’t about Clint’s money anymore.

Clint is a man of his word, though, and he leaves the money on the table and goes to where M’Baku is standing in the doorway to walk him out before Bucky can say anything else. As soon as they’re out of his vision, Sam appears in the door of Bucky's office with a box that looks to be at least five feet long.

"What the hell is that?"

“Some guy dropped it off."

"Are you sure he's not stuck inside?" Sam lays the package on Bucky's desk and takes a box cutter to the edge of it. When Sam lifts the sides of the box, he reveals a massive 36 x 48 inch canvas turned upside down. Wedged behind the canvas key is a small, white card.

Sam takes the card out and hands it to Bucky, starting to flip the canvas over.

On the card is scrawled - **_“Bucky, Thanks again.”_** When Bucky turns the card in his hands, he finds that it’s Steve’s business card. He has Steve’s phone number now. When he looks away from the digits, Sam is holding up the painting in full view.

A scene of the Brooklyn Bridge painted in orange and red turns, like Steve had painted it just when the sun was setting. Bucky recognizes it from the art show, and remembers telling Steve it had been one of his favorites. By the time he had went to purchase it, someone had already bought it out from underneath him, and he was kicking himself for it.

“This the artist you went to see last night?” Sam asks, walking to hang the painting on the wall of Bucky’s office.

Bucky doesn’t respond but smiles at the card in his hands, until he realizes how stupid this is. He doesn’t even know if Steve is interested in men, let alone men who make their money the way Bucky does. This was just a kindness Steve was doing because he knew Bucky had fronted the money for Carol’s gallery. Steve didn’t know where the money was coming from.

Bucky let’s out a scream as he flicks the card across the office with his thumb and middle finger. “Fuck!”

The scream makes Sam flinch, even though he should be used to it from his boss at this point.

“What’s your problem?” Sam asks.

Bucky sighs, throwing back the last of his glass of whiskey and leaning against the table.

“I went to Carol’s opening last night, and the artist she had was just…” He pauses and thinks about Steve’s mess of blonde hair and rosy lips. Thinks about how his toned waist would probably fit perfectly in Bucky’s grip while they danced in his kitchen. “He’s something.” Bucky finishes.

Sam has known Bucky was gay since Bucky took him on to the Commando’s team. In those ten years, Sam can’t remember Bucky having many serious relationships. Let alone ones that he brought into his work life.

“So? Call him. He wouldn’t have given you his number if he didn’t want you to.”

“You don’t get it.” Bucky pulls his hair tie out and lets his hair fall, too frustrated to tie it back. “I don’t even know if he’s interested in men. He could be just trying to be nice since I put on his first art show. I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything.”

Sam sighs, bending down to pick up the card that Bucky flung across the room.

“At the very least, you owe him a ‘thank you.’” He tosses the card down in front of Bucky and Bucky raises an eyebrow at him. Sam copped more of an attitude than any of his men ever did, because he knew he could get away with it.

When Sam shuts the door behind him, Bucky runs his hands over his face and stares at the card on the table. He picks it up in one hand and it feels like it’s burning a hole through his skin. His other hand pulls his phone from his pocket, and he dial’s Steve’s number.

Steve’s phone rings three times, and Bucky is considering hanging up and pretending this never happened, until Steve answers on the fourth ring.

“Hey, Steve!” Bucky exclaims, before mentally telling himself to reign it back in. “I, um, got your package.” He closes his eyes hard and kicks the leg of the table. He doesn’t know what it is about the blonde that makes him go absolutely stupid, but he’s willing to spend the rest of his life figuring it out.

“Hey, Bucky.” Bucky wants to believe he hears a smile in Steve’s voice. “You deserve it. It’s the least I could do.”

“I thought someone had bought it out from under me. Didn’t think I’d see it again.” Bucky runs a hand through his hair.

“Let’s just say I pulled some strings.”

“Yeah.. Hey, Steve? You know, I could be way out of line here. And please, do let me know if I am, but I would really love to talk more about your work. Maybe over dinner tomorrow?”

“Oh, um.. What’d you have in mind?”

Bucky doesn’t want to say he would book a first class flight anywhere in the world to get Steve any dinner that he wanted, but he’s pretty sure he would.

“Anything you like.”

***

When Steve bounds down the steps at the front of his building to meet Bucky, Bucky’s head immediately goes woozy. Steve’s wearing an olive green dress shirt with the sleeves cuffed at his elbows, just barely showing the ink of his half-sleeve arm tattoos. His shirts tucked into a pair of black jeans that Bucky thinks is plain unfair to his thighs, with a pair of black ankle boots. Bucky spins the ring on his index finger behind his back in worry.

“Hi.” Steve greets him, voice soft and perfect. He has a soft pink flush across his cheeks that highlights the freckles on his nose and his cheek bones. Bucky’s face is angular and hard, while Steve’s is sculpted in a way that’s softer and angelic.

“Hey, yourself.” Bucky smiles, gesturing a hand towards Hank for him to introduce himself.

“Hank Pym, Mr. Rogers. I’m an employee of Mr. Barnes.” He reaches out to Steve and Steve shakes his hand with a soft smile.

Hank Pym has a body count longer than he is tall. Bucky has watched him deliver a shot between a man’s eyes, then kick his body into the harbor. In his older age, he’s mostly Bucky’s personal driver. Keeps him on the payroll, and out of trouble. Bucky isn’t quite ready to bring up his work on the first date, so Hank is only detail for the first time in years. He’s arranged for Sam and M’Baku to be at the same restaurant him and Steve are going to.

“Mr. Barnes, huh?” He looks back at Bucky and moves his hands to rest in front of him.

“Whatever you call me, I’d answer.” Bucky opens the door for Steve and Hank takes his place in the driver’s seat of the car, just as Bucky slides in next to Steve.

The car’s quiet except for the soft indie music playing from the radio. Bucky had hijacked the playlist from Steve’s opening night. As Hank drives, Steve holds his hands in his lap and looks out the window. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky can see him chewing his lower lip raw. Bucky hates that Steve obviously struggles with his anxiety, but he almost finds it hard to believe. With so much of his body covered in tattoos, Steve looks like the type of person who takes anything the world would throw at him with a smirk.

“May I hold your hand?” Bucky’s knee brushes against Steve’s when he asks.

Steve nods and looks down between them, holding one of Bucky’s larger hands in both of his own smaller ones. Bucky runs a hand from Steve’s wrist up his arm.

“Are you feeling alright? We don’t have to go out to eat.” Bucky begins.

“No! I’m okay. Just… nervous, I guess.” Steve separates their hands to run the palms over the thighs of his jeans. “This is um… my first date, since um.. high school, I think?”

Bucky looks at him incredulously, and when Steve’s eyes meet his, a look of fear washes over his face.

“Unless you don’t think this is a date.” Steve says hurriedly, trying to cover himself.

“Stevie, breathe.” Bucky doesn’t know where the nickname comes from, but he takes Steve’s hand in his again. “This is whatever you want it to be. I was just… surprised I guess. With all the attention you were getting at the gallery opening, I figured that was normal for you.”

“I was dealing with a lot of stuff my senior year of high school. I never really thought about throwing all of that on anyone else. By the time I got to college, it just felt kind of like a lost cause, ya know?” Steve doesn’t look back up to meet his eyes, but he strokes his thumb across Bucky’s knuckles. Bucky doesn’t press Steve, figuring that he would have elaborated on what “a lot of stuff” was if he had wanted to.

“Well, I’m honored to be taking you out on a date.” Steve’s smiles the biggest smile that Bucky has seen from him and Bucky feels like his heart will beat out of his chest if he doesn’t look away, so he looks down at Steve’s hands. His fingers slot perfectly between Bucky’s.


	2. they led you to drink from their fountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is too damn distracted.

As they waited for their dinner, Bucky found himself sneaking glances at his phone. He didn't even know what he was looking for. A text from Clint saying that someone had left a dead crow on his doorstep? A breaking news story that he had been found with both of his eyes gouged out and his tongue cut from his mouth? Carol incessantly texting him about Steve?

"Is everything alright?" Steve asked, taking a sip from his glass of water.

"Oh.. yes. I'm sorry." Bucky shook his head and slid his phone back in his pocket, "You deserve my undivided attention."

He stretched across the table towards Steve, reaching to take Steve's hand in his, but Steve moved his hand away to hold them in his lap.

"Are you sure everything's alright?”

Bucky sighed, "Yes, Steve. Just... work. Work stuff."

Steve looked down at Bucky's hands, and then shook his head before looking back down at his own.

"Are you... are you seeing... someone?" Steve chewed his lower lip into his mouth again, and Bucky wanted to reach out and gently pull it free with his thumb.

"Well I was seeing you, I thought."

"Not tonight. I mean, at all."

Bucky is confused, but he tries to keep the look off his face, because the look on Steve's is one of hurt. He goes to open his mouth, but Steve cuts him off-

"I'm sorry. I really have no place to ask this of you..." Steve hands aren't in his lap anymore, but he's wringing them together and Bucky wants to take them in his own and untangle them. "I guess I just want to know where your head is?" Steve had bright, pretty blue eyes, but anytime they met Bucky's they looked hurt.

Bucky looked around the restaurant. It was empty except for the two of them, Sam, and M'Baku; something that Steve had written off as a happy coincidence, but really something Bucky had intentionally planned ahead of time.

Bucky gives a soft smile to Steve, "You first."

Steve's eyes widen, like he can't believe someone cares to hear what he thinks. He looks down at Bucky's hands where he's twisting the ring around his index finger. So, Bucky has a tic with his hands too.

"Were you married?" It comes out quickly, like the words burn the roof of Steve's mouth to keep in.

Bucky is confused, and then realizes he wears two gold bands.

"Oh, no. Never. This was my dad's wedding band, it just doesn't fit where it's supposed to go," Bucky slides the thick gold bad off of his index finger and partly down his ring finger to demonstrate.

"This one was my mom's." He pulls the thinner gold band off his pinky finger. "I know it's kind of dumb, and you usually bury people with their wedding rings, but this is what I have left of them." And his Rolex. And the penthouse he bought with the generational wealth of money he knew he didn't deserve.

“‘M sorry. Bringing it up.”

“No need. I wouldn’t have answered if I wasn’t comfortable. I do want to be open with you, Stevie.” Unless Steve asks about what he does for a living.

Before Steve gets a chance, the waiter returns with their food. Steve gives his thanks and a soft smile, before turning back to Bucky when the waiter’s gone.

“I have to ask one more thing.”

“Anything.” Preferably, things not about Bucky’s work.

“What made you want to take me out tonight?” Steve pokes his food around his plate with a fork, “I told you, you don’t owe me anything for the painting, you know.”

“Is that what you think this is about?” Bucky’s words aren’t harsh, but it’s a firmness to his tone that he hasn’t taken with Steve yet. He usually reserves all his curtness for work.

“Well, what else is there?”

Steve is attractive, for one. He’s got bright blue eyes and golden hair. He has a toned waist and thick thighs that Bucky wants to hold on to and never let go. He’s a hell of an artist. He has a whole life that Bucky wants to learn every detail of. Wrap Steve up and shield him from the rest of the world so that no other man can have the same pleasure of Steve’s first introduction.

Bucky doesn’t mention any of that to Steve. Instead, he sips from his wine glass, and says “I plan on finding that out for myself.”

**

When Bucky returns home, Carol is seated at the kitchen island flipping through a magazine.

“I swear Danvers, why don’t you just move in?”

“And listen to you defile my star prodigy all hours of the night? Hard pass.”

Bucky shrugs off his jacket, throwing it over the couch before coming into the kitchen.

“He’s hardly your prodigy, and do you see him with me right now?”

“What? He didn’t want to come home and shack up with a forty year-old after the first date?”

Bucky cuts his eyes at Carol and takes a beer from the refrigerator.

“I’m thirty-eight. You know that. Besides… I- I didn’t ask him to come back here.”

That makes Carol close her magazine. “Seriously? Mr. No Strings Attached didn’t ask his new blonde piece of ass back to his penthouse?”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. Bucky had made a point of not letting himself get serious with anyone. He didn’t want to put another’s person’s own safety into jeopardy.

“I’m going to see him again. Tonight, I’m going to bed. You know where the guest room is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a shorter chapter because my mind's been so busy with 100 other ideas that i had to take a break from our mafia boys to work on something else.
> 
> i've started work on the next part of this though and i needed to get the date out of the way so just enjoy some meet-cute fluff. <3

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you'd prefer shorter multi-chapter parts or just longer parts!
> 
> i made a twitter for this account if you wanna simp for chris evans with me/let me know what you wanna see: @acheyb0nes
> 
> (p.s. there's a harley quinn/poison ivy one-shot in the works!)


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